


Equations

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, but still, my little attempt at a fix it fic, post 3x05, this assumes that he's a normal dude, which i don't think he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’m taking myself out of the equation, Jemma.” </p><p>Jemma takes in a sharp breath as tears spring to her eyes. “What?” </p><p>“You don’t have to make a choice,” he says firmly. “You and I—we’re just, we’re not an option anymore, okay?” </p><p> </p><p>After the events of 3x05, the last thing Jemma expected was for Fitz to remove himself from the entire situation. Until he does. A story of falling apart, falling back together, and being honest with yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equations

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for 3x05 
> 
> [Even though I have honestly not watched the full episode] 
> 
> Full disclosure, I don't think that Will is as he seems. I'm not sure if that means he's not real, or if he's a baddie, or what--but there were too many inconsistencies for me to just chalk up to bad writing (although, this is AoS)...
> 
> So here's my take on "the love triangle" if Will is just a strangely inconsistent astronaut.

The tense silence is nearly too much for her. Often she has brief flashes of anger; the way he shuts her out is too reminiscent of the times before she left for Hydra. But then she remembers how he’d been with her before he’d known and she knows she has no right to take this out on him, not when she’s surely broken his heart for the second time. 

Then the day comes that they finally manage to put all the pieces together. The portal is ready to be opened and while it’s occupied both of their attention for weeks, she suddenly wishes it had taken them longer. After fourteen years on another planet, Will is certainly going to need to be rehabilitated back to Earth’s atmosphere, if he’s even still alive. The hard work that stretches ahead feels incredibly daunting, but as she watches Fitz scratch at the back of his neck and double-check some calculations before they go present to Coulson, her stomach begins to twist in an entirely different type of discomfort. 

They haven’t spoken about what any of this means for their relationship. They had obviously been on the precipice of something, when she’d been sucked into the portal and then when she’d returned—but then she’d told him about Will, asked a man who loved her enough to travel through space and time to save her to do the impossible once more for her. To bring back another man. 

And he had done it. Thrown himself into it with the same dedication and tenacity that he’d always had toward his projects, and she both loved him all the more for it and hated herself so very deeply for letting him. Taking a deep breath, she finally speaks. 

“Fitz,” she says, voice wobbling slightly. He hardly glances up at her, just nods in acknowledgment of her words. It feels like when she’d told him ‘maybe there is’, somewhere in another life. “I just—now that we’re going to get him back, I’m—it’s just, I’m going to have some difficult choices to make and I know that—“ 

“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll want to see his family,” Fitz says absently, scratching at something on his notes. “Coulson will give you time off. He’ll understand.” 

This is the last thing she expected him to say, and she stumbles backward a bit. “What?” 

He still isn’t looking at her and she wills him to with her mind. “Nobody’ll blame you for taking a break from SHIELD.” 

“I’m not leaving SHIELD,” she blurts out. 

He just shrugs, finally turning toward her. “Jemma, all you’ve done since you’ve been back is work on the portal. You kind of already have.” 

She huffs, feeling defensive. “Well so have you!” 

He laughs, a bit humorlessly. “No, Jemma, I haven’t. I’ve been on two field missions.” 

Her jaw drops so low she feels unhinged. “What? No, I would have—I would have noticed.” 

He shakes his head, rubbing at the stubble growing on his cheeks and the twisting in her stomach tightens as her heart begins to race. She’d expected this conversation to be full of her own tearful apologies and confusion. She’d expected Fitz to be his usual combination of sincere and understanding, if perhaps a bit stand-offish. But not this. 

“I’m not—I’m not mad, Jemma,” he sighs. “Things are different now. Something really big happened to you. Your priorities changed, and that’s fine. We all get it.” 

“My priorities remain with science!” she practically shouts. She hates how petulant she sounds but she can’t stop herself. “I don’t—I don’t understand what we’re even talking about. I was just trying to explain that I’ve really appreciated your patience and your, um, your understanding in all of this. And that I want you to know that as soon as Wi—he’s recovered, I’m going to try to figure things out as quickly as possible. I don’t want anyone to get hurt, I really don’t, and—“ 

Fitz cuts her off, raising a hand to stop her. She notices that it’s vaguely shaking. 

“You don’t need to worry about that, Jemma,” he says quietly. “There’s no choice to make.” 

Her heart stops. She’s pretty sure that the world is ending around her but it seems as though nobody else notices. 

“I’m taking myself out of the equation, Jemma.” 

Jemma takes in a sharp breath as tears spring to her eyes. “What?” 

“You don’t have to make a choice,” he says firmly. “You and I—we’re just, we’re not an option anymore, okay?” 

“Fitz, you don’t have to do this,” she attempts to reason. “You don’t need to keep self-sacrificing to make me happy—“ 

“For once, Jemma, I’m not doing this for you,” Fitz tells her. His voice is a little bit cold, and it cuts through her like a knife. She finds herself taking in another gasping breath and he meets her eyes. “I’m doing this for me. You know I’m not angry with you. I’m so grateful that you weren’t all alone for all those months. I’m happy that you had him. I’m—upset, that we missed our window, Jemma, but I understand it. When this is all over, Coulson is making Hunter and I a mobile unit. We’ll work with Mack and Daisy, and we’ll do some Hydra hunting on our own. You’re my best friend. You always will be. But I’m not—I can’t do this anymore. He’s going to need you when he gets back and I just—you know I’d do a lot for you, Jemma, but I just can’t be around for that. I hope you can understand.” 

He gathers up his papers. 

“I’m going to go present this to Coulson. You don’t need to be there.” 

And then he’s gone, leaving her gasping desperately for air as she leans against the counter in front of her. Deep down, a part of her has always known that this was a possibility. That one day, Fitz would tire of her wavering in her affections for him, especially given how steady his are for her. She’d always thought that, when she was ready, he would be there. Maybe not to jump right into something—she’d always known that there would be a lot of work to do before they could come together in that way, but she’d always assumed that when she was ready and willing, he would be, too. That they would do it together. 

Fitz is no longer an option. She and Fitz, together, are no longer an option. 

A sob rips from her throat. 

*** 

She barely sees him after that. As soon as Will is back, her life is consumed with running tests and reoxygenation and fussing over the other man. She hears a heated whispering conversation between Bobbi and Coulson with his name being thrown around a few times, but she hardly has time to even question it. 

Will begins to recover after a week of relentless treatments. 

“You really are a genius,” he croaks. She smiles at him, slumping into the chair next to his bed. 

“I couldn’t have done it without Fitz.” 

Will gives her a secret kind of smile that holds some hidden meaning behind it. “Do I finally get to meet this infamous Fitz?” 

Jemma swallows hard and stares down at her hands. “He’s, um, he’s joined a mobile unit. I haven’t seen him in a few days. I’m sure he’ll come check in when he’s back.” 

“You okay?” 

Jemma considers lying to him, but she’s spent so long running from dust storms and feelings and the truth that she just can’t do it. “No. I’m not.” 

He weakly grasps for her and she holds onto his hand tightly. “What’s wrong?” 

“I miss him,” she whimpers, voice cracking. “When I first came back it was—it was—it was really good. I was a m—mess but he was here for me and we—we were doing okay, but then--“ 

“But then there was me,” Will fills in. She nods vigorously as the tears start to fall down her face.

“I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I couldn’t—I couldn’t just leave you there and I missed you too but in a different—different way, and—and—and now he, he’s doing everything he can to be away from me because I’m—I’m only hurting him and that’s all I’ve ever done.” 

“Hey, hey, shh,” Will comforts. She lowers her forehead onto the bed, releasing the buildup of stress and tears that have accumulated in her chest since she told Fitz about those 4,722 hours. 

She finally begins to calm down after several minutes of wild sobbing, sniffling as Will tiredly strokes at the back of her head. The quiet is only broken by someone clearing their throat, and Jemma’s head snaps up to stare at Fitz in the doorway, still dressed in his tact gear. Her hands immediately fall away from Will. 

“Glad to see you awake,” Fitz says to Will with only the smallest glance in Jemma’s direction. “I’m Agent Fitz.” 

Will smiles at the other man. “I know exactly who you are. Jemma told me a lot about you.” 

Fitz’s friendly countenance dissolves into a thin-lipped smile. “Right. Just wanted to stop in and see how you were. I’ve got to head to de-brief now.” 

Every muscle in her body screams for her to run across the room and throw her arms around him. There are bags under his eyes and a cut on his jawline; the entire appearance of him makes her heart ache painfully. Daisy appears at his side and snatches his hand. 

“You okay?” Daisy asks him quietly. She steps into his space in a way that, for so long, only Jemma could. She can feel Will’s eyes on her as she watches the exchange but she can’t even attempt to make her face neutral as it crumbles. 

Fitz smiles gently at Daisy. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Just gotta go see Coulson.” 

“Me too,” she replies, tugging on him. “Let’s go together.” 

They leave without saying a word to Jemma and Will. The other woman drops Fitz’s hand, but Jemma doesn’t take her eyes off of them until she can no longer see them. 

“Is that the superhero?” 

Jemma lets out a watery chuckle at Will’s question. “Yeah, that’s Daisy.” 

Will nods, lying back on his pillows and shutting his eyes in exhaustion. “Is she still good with computers?” 

Jemma furrows her brow before remembering how she’d ranted and rambled about all of her teammates one evening. 

“She doesn’t get to use that particular power often these days, but yeah, she is.” 

“I’ll need her help,” Will says. “I want to—I want to go see my team’s families. They deserve to know what happened.” 

Jemma’s heart breaks for him. She tries to imagine facing her teammate’s loved ones, telling them that they’re dead. She can’t even imagine losing any one of them, let alone all of them. 

“I’m sure she can help with that,” Jemma tells him softly. “But you’ve got some recovering to do before that.” 

“As soon as I’m physically fit,” he shoots back. “I need to. It’s something I have to do. You understand, right?” 

“Of course,” she whispers. 

There’s another long moment of silence. Jemma wonders if it’s just his recovery or if it’s the fact that they have very little in common in this particular universe, but she suddenly has nothing to say to him. She senses that it is the same for him. The whole thing makes her unbelievably antsy, so she stands suddenly. 

“I’m going to let you get some rest and see if anyone needs any medical attention.” 

“But you’re not a medical doctor.” 

“Try telling these people,” Jemma sighs fondly with a little roll of her eyes. “I’ll be by later.” 

She wanders aimlessly around the base for a while, eventually colliding with Hunter in the kitchen. 

“Hey princess,” Hunter grins. “Hear you got your space boyfriend back.” 

“Don’t call him that,” she snaps. 

“How come?” Hunter needles. “It’s true, innit?” 

“We were---something, yes. But I don’t know if we are. And there wasn’t much need for labels on an abandoned planet anyway, so—“ 

Hunter chokes out a laugh and pats her on the shoulder. “Only you, Simmons.” 

“How was the mission?” she practically shouts as he begins to leave. He stops, turning slowly to look at her as he leans against the doorframe. “Where were you two?” 

“Just tying up some loose ends from my failed little Hydra experiment,” he tells her nonchalantly. “It went alright. There was a bit of a firefight but we got the information that we needed.” 

Her eyes blow open wide. “Firefight?” 

Hunter nods. “Fitz got a bit of a graze, but nothing too bad.” 

Jemma pushes past him, rushing out of the room in a desperate attempt to find Fitz. She collides with him just as he’s leaving Coulson’s office, causing him to wince in pain. 

“What’s wrong?” he immediately asks, holding her by the shoulders. “Will alright?” 

She huffs. “He’s fine. You were shot?!” 

He shoots a glare over her shoulder at Hunter, who just smiles cheekily. “Just a graze. Bob took care of it.” 

Jemma flinches. Since when does he refer to Bobbi as Bob? “Well I should still—“ 

“I don’t need your help,” he tells her firmly. “Look, I’ve barely slept in days and I’d like a lie down, if you don’t mind.” 

He gives her a tight smile and moves toward his bunk. She hears Bobbi and Hunter murmuring to one another before they disappear to reunite in peace in their own room, leaving Jemma standing in the common area alone. She wraps her arms around herself and is suddenly overcome with a strong, unshakeable feeling of loneliness. 

She considers going back to Will, but deep down she knows that won’t fix it. Instead she returns to her bunk, reaching into the back of her closet and tugging on Fitz’s hoodie that she’d worn every day since her return, until they’d begun working on the portal. It had somehow seemed inappropriate. 

She hadn’t missed the look on his face when he’d noticed that she was in a cardigan of her own, but she’d swallowed down the pain and set to work. So had he. 

She’s beginning to think that it may have been their first mistake 

*** 

Will progresses fantastically. Mack and Hunter tend to keep their distance, and Jemma nearly scolds them for their childishness but knows that they’re just trying to have Fitz’s back. She thinks about how she would have felt if Hunter had disappeared and come back months later in love with a woman that wasn’t Bobbi. 

She’d probably be rather mean to her, too. 

So she leaves the boys be, and is grateful that Daisy and Bobbi both treat him kindly. May acts indifferent as usual, but there is a light air of suspicion that she attempts to hide. Jemma has known May too long to buy it, and remembers how Bobbi had vocalized some similar suspicions. How was he the only one to survive? How had he spent fourteen years alone on an alien planet, completely hopeless and helpless, without losing his mind? Jemma had no answers for her. 

Daisy helps him track down information on his teammates’ families, and finds that they’ve mostly spread around the country. His condolences tour will take him weeks, and he plans to leave as soon as Jemma deems him physically fit. 

Part of her wants to keep him here, but part of her wants him to leave and move forward with his own life. Coulson has already gotten him in touch with some agencies and he’ll return to his own family until he feels ready to truly rejoin society again. He has a lot to learn about the last fourteen years. 

He makes a half-hearted attempt at asking Jemma to come with him when he leaves, but they both know he doesn’t really mean it. Aside from a couple of chaste kisses, their relationship ultimately progresses nowhere. When they sit down in his makeshift room and try to decide what they want to watch, it proves to be difficult. He doesn’t know most of her favorite shows, and when she tries to introduce him to Brooklyn Nine Nine, he doesn’t much care for it. She’s not a huge fan of his interests, either, and they wind up in an awkward and apathetic stalemate, staring at the Netflix screen in silence. 

She sees very little of Fitz during this time. He comes in to equip Will with a new smartphone and teaches him how to use it. Jemma’s crash course in modern day technology on the Blue Planet is nothing compared to Fitz’s thorough instruction on all things electronic. The patience with which Fitz teaches Will these things warms her but also squeezes at her uncomfortably. 

Despite the obvious tension between all three of them, Fitz has been nothing but kind to Will, and vice versa. She’s contemplating this over a glass of white wine in the kitchen when Daisy pops up next to her, glancing over to the common area where the two men chat over a tablet. 

“It would be easier if one of them would just be an asshole, right?” Daisy jokes, pouring herself a glass as well. 

Jemma sighs, shaking her head. “It really would. But Will and I—I don’t think that there’s anything really there between us. Not on this planet, at least.” 

Daisy considers this for a moment. “It would make sense. You two were all each other had. I don’t think it’s weird that you guys fell into something together but now you’re back to reality. And he’s got his own issues to deal with. He’s been gone for a long, long time.” 

Jemma nods and then leans her head on Daisy’s shoulder. “I just wish things were simple.” 

“We all do,” Daisy agrees, touching her cheek to Jemma’s head. “What’s up with you and Fitz anyway?” 

“Nothing,” Jemma answers honestly. “Before we got Will back, he took himself out of the equation. He told me he and I were no longer an option, and then he’s been throwing himself into work so much—“ 

Her voice cracks without her permission, and Daisy swiftly pulls her into a hug. “This has been really hard for him, too. I don’t think it excuses him doing that, but—“ 

“No, no,” Jemma insists, brushing off Daisy’s words. “He had every right. It’s not as though he accused me of doing anything to hurt him, or betraying him or something. He just didn’t want to deal with worrying about me making this choice. I don’t fault him for that at all.” 

Daisy pats her leg and takes a long sip of her wine. “I know I don’t exactly have the best track record with romance. One was Hydra, then one died for me in a temple, and now Coulson traded Lincoln to the ACTU to protect me.” 

Jemma lets out a little sarcastic laugh and Daisy does, too. The romantic lives of the agents on this base are truly absurd. 

“But I’ve always believe that people that are meant to be together always find their way in the end. And you and Fitz? You’re made of the same stuff, Jemma. He pulled away to protect himself but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.” 

Jemma bites her lip, willing herself not to cry. “I don’t know, Skye. I mean, Daisy. Sometimes I think it might just be too late.” 

Daisy suddenly shushes her, jerking her head toward where Will and Fitz sit. 

“Give it to me straight, Fitz. Jemma said you two were best friends. Pretty sure she called you two inseperable, but you’re hardly in the same room. Ever.” 

Fitz tenses. “She and I have—we have different projects to work on. While she was gone I—well, I slacked on my other work. I’m working overtime. And her focus was getting you back and getting you better.” 

Will sits back on the couch and ponders this for a moment. “I told her that your name was her favorite word. She didn’t disagree with me. And when she showed me a video of you, I told her that you two seemed like more than best friends to me.” 

Jemma’s eyes widen in the kitchen. What the hell does Will think he’s getting at?! Not for the first time, Fitz voices her thoughts. 

“What the hell are you getting at?” Fitz asks, frustration oozing from his voice. 

“She did what she needed to do to survive,” Will tells him plainly. “And so did I. I care about her a lot. But now that we’re back here, in this reality—she’s not who she was. And I don’t think she is who she was to me.” 

Fitz bristles completely. “What, now that she’s gotten you back on Earth she’s not good enough for you?!” 

Will laughs. “That’s not what I’m saying, Fitz. She’s brilliant. Me? Not so much. We don’t have much in common here. On that planet we were trying to survive. Trying to make the best of a horrible situation, but now that we’re not—we don’t have much to talk about.” 

Fitz scoffs. “Not much to talk about? Jemma never shuts up.” 

“Maybe with you,” Will observes, letting the statement hang in the air. 

Jemma and Daisy exchange a heavy glance. 

“Your situation is between you two, Will. Leave me out of it.” 

Fitz leaves the room and Will sighs heavily. Jemma suddenly straightens, during to Daisy with a scandalized look on her face. 

“Are they trying to pawn me off on each other?!” 

Daisy giggles and nudges her with her shoulder. “No, babe, they’re not. I think that Will just realized exactly what you did. You’ll always care about each other but you’re not in love with each other. And Fitz just wants you to be happy. He still thinks that you and Will love each other so he’s trying to step nobly aside.” 

Jemma sighs heavily and drains her glass. She grabs at the wine bottle. “You know what? I’m not going to concern myself with either of them. I am going to truly enjoy some Earth alcohol for the first time in ages.” 

“And I will join you in that, my friend,” Daisy smiles. They refill their glasses, clink them together, and then grab another one from the fridge. On their way to Daisy’s room they bump into Fitz, who looks at them with raised eyebrows and a smirk. 

“This is a sight for sore eyes,” he teases. 

Jemma and Daisy both laugh, a bit tipsy. “I’d invite you to come play, Fitzy, but it’s girls’ night,” Daisy jokes before turning excitedly to Jemma. “We should get Bobbi! And May!” 

“May will be a tough sell,” Jemma considers. “But Bobbi for sure!” 

They dash off without another glance and Fitz shakes his head, grinning after them. It’s good to see the pieces of his Jemma coming back together. 

Even if he’s not the one who helps her do it. 

*** 

Will leaves a week later without fanfare. He has a wallet full of cash and May piloting a jump jet to drop him off at home. 

He and Jemma have a teary goodbye in the hanger, although neither of them is quite sure why they’re crying. They don’t even kiss, just hug one another tightly and make promises to keep in touch that Jemma isn’t even sure that they’ll keep. It’s bittersweet; she is so glad that he gets to return to life on Earth, that he gets to begin again as whoever and whatever he wants to be. She’s thrilled that he will see his family once again, and she’s come to terms with the fact that the two of them are not compatible in this solar system. 

If she’s perfectly honest, she does not find him interesting, at all. That’s what Skye had asked her, after their second bottle of wine as their speech slurred and she gushed her feelings for Lincoln and told her funny stories of their travels with Mack. And Jemma had to tell the truth. No, she did not find Will particularly interesting. Not anymore. 

It’s a bitter pill to swallow. They spent those months leaning on one another in a desolate wasteland. They’d kissed and cuddled and even done more than that, but not once had the words “I love you” left her lips, or his. It seemed irrelevant, there, because she’d hardly felt human. Those words are for humanity and there wasn’t a place for them in that hell. 

At least that’s what she’d though. But even then, deep down, perhaps she’d always known that she cared for him very much, but that she didn’t love him. 

Fitz was too deep down in her bones. And now she feels ashamed for her relationship with Will, while Fitz was putting his life on the line to save hers. 

She can’t think about that, can’t drown herself in it, at least that’s what Daisy tells her. So she hugs Will one last time, wishes him luck, and tells him to call if he needs anything at all. 

Just before he gets on the jet, he turns to her with one last wry smile. “Don’t wait too long, Jemma.” 

Then he’s gone. She doesn’t see him again, but she thinks of him frequently for a few weeks. Then the thoughts begin to come less and less. 

*** 

Fitz begins to spend more time in the lab again, mostly at Coulson’s insistence. And because he and Hunter had been benched after a reckless mission that had left both Bobbi and Jemma fuming. 

As the weeks of rebuilding their partnership roll forward, they begin to spend more time outside of the lab together as well. She finally gets to catch up on her television shows, and she is somehow not surprised that he still hasn’t watched most of them without her. They curl up under the thick blanket his mother made for him during their second year at the academy, and when they brush legs or hands he flushes pink and so does she. They cook together often, drink their tea together in the morning, and avoid any and all talk of the planet and the astronaut that tore them apart. 

“Hey, Jemma, can you come look at this?” he calls across the lab. She eagerly jumps up off of her stool and practically skips over to him. After over a month of very little contact, she feels a constant desperation to be near him. 

She takes her spot over his shoulder and leans in close, inhaling as subtly as possible. He smells familiar, a little bit musky and simultaneously metallic, and she’s missed it more than she wants to admit. His hoodie has long stopped smelling like him, and she can really only wear it in the privacy of her bedroom anyway. 

He runs a simulation and they talk over and under each other until they finally maange to figure out what’s going wrong with his latest gadget. He beams at her in appreciation and she’s struck by how close together they are, and how blue his eyes are. 

He seems to realize it too, and he pulls away from her quickly, fumbling with his keyboard and mumbling another thank you. 

She attempts to keep the dejection out of her voice and moves back to her side of the lab. When he brushes past her to grab a file, a shiver runs up her spine. 

“Need me to grab your sweater?” he offers.

“No,” she practically whispers. He raises his eyebrows in doubt, but moves on anyway. 

She spends the rest of the afternoon biting her lip and trying not to get too close to him, with varying success. 

At the end of the day, as they’re cleaning up, he turns to her with a shaky breath that she knows means they’re about to have A Talk. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out. “For how I acted, with Will and all of that. And I know it must be hard, him being gone again so—if you need anything, I’m here for you.” 

Her eyes narrow. “Stop it!” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Stop it! Being so—so good! You were nothing but kind to him, and even though you were avoiding me you were still nice, and there for me, and I don’t deserve it! And if you were half as smart as I’ve always thought you were, you would have realized that Will and I never turned into anything, Fitz, because it’s hard to do that when you’ve got nothing in common and there’s someone else who occupies your every thought, and—“ 

Fitz steps closer to her and her rambling train of though screeches to a halt. 

“Who?” 

She laughs bitterly, putting her face over her hands. “Please, Fitz. You know it’s you. And it’s always been you. You’re the only person on Earth or elsewhere that I find interesting. For so long I didn’t understand what that meant but now I do, and I know that it’s too late and I’m so glad that we’re friends again, but that’s how I feel.” 

“Jemma—“ 

“I know!” Jemma interrupts, throwing her hands up and attempting to move past him. “You took yourself out of the equation, and I’m trying so hard to respect that. You always respected me when I needed space to figure myself out and it’s only fair that I give you the space you want to—to move on, but—“ 

Fitz stops her, catching her around the waist and screwing his eyes shut. She backs up, taking in the pain on his face, and she struggles to swallow down her panic. 

“Jemma, this is what I didn’t want. I didn’t want you to pick me because you can’t have him.” 

“That’s not what this is!” she protests. She desperately grabs his face in her hands and looks him in the eyes, hoping that he can read her as well as he always has. “I never wanted this, Fitz. All I wanted was to come home and have dinner with you. I wanted to wear a dress, and tease you if you held the chair out for me ,and I wanted to share a bottle of wine and we didn’t get to have any of that. I’m sorry, Fitz, I’m so sorry for that but please, don’t push me away again. I know that it hurt, to hear about Will and I, but—“ 

“I already told you, I understand all of that—“ 

“But you don’t! I never loved him, Fitz. Not in the way that I love you.” 

He gulps down a breath and her eyes drift to his mouth. 

“Please, let me show you.” 

She’d imagined their first kiss a thousand times on that planet, especially in the first few months. But it never went quite like this, equal parts desperate and hopeful. There is no clashing of teeth or biting or even tongues slipping into mouths. 

It’s a wordless, tandem dance and when she feels his hands wrap around her back, she knows that he understands what she’s trying to say. He pulls back slowly, kissing her quickly and softly brushing his nose against hers. 

“I don’t want this to be like that,” Fitz finally whispers after several long moments. 

“What?” she breathes, stepping back away from him. He catches her back, gently rubbing circles on her lower back with his thumbs. 

“He said you had lost hope. I don’t—I don’t want you to want me because of that.” 

She shakes her head with a beaming smile. “Fitz, you are my hope. Always, okay? And if you want to take this slow, we can. I just need you to know how I feel about you.” 

“Woah, wait,” Fitz smiles. “I never said we should take it slow.” 

He moves quickly, pressing her against the counter of the lab and hoisting her up onto it. She squeaks into his mouth and he grins, causing her to laugh lightly as he peppers kisses all her face. 

This is nothing like the absolutely desperate kiss she’d shared with Will in her lowest moment. It’s not even like the other kisses they’d shared after that, once she’d begun to accept her fate on the planet. 

She feels light, finally, for the first time in forever. 

“You chose me,” he mumbles into her neck. She tightens her legs around his waist and tugs on his hair until she can look in his eyes. 

“Of course I did. It’s you, Fitz. Always.” 

Her eyes become glassy and she pulls him tightly against her, reveling in his closeness and his warmth. He rubs his cheek against her neck, causing her to shriek at the scratchy tickle of it. 

“How about we go get something to eat?” Fitz finally asks. “Maybe watch a movie. Not quite the proper first date I imagined, but it’ll do.” 

“It sounds perfect,” she beams. 

They leave the lab holding hands and Jemma feels like she’s truly back on Earth again.


End file.
